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In 1993, I entered a Valentine's contest sponsored by a local newspaper. I won second prize for the following submission about Fred.
"As a teenager, I knew exactly what I wanted in a husband. My Knight in shining armour would sweep me off my feet.
He would quote and compose romantic poetry and sing like an opera star.
The fourth requirement concerned his vocation - he had to be a clergyman.
Did he sweep me off my feet?
Hardly. We met in a mundane dry-cleaning plant amid stacks and stacks of drab army uniforms. At the time, he was a steam engineer, dressed in grubby, greasy clothes - a far cry from a distinguished-looking man of the cloth.
Could he quote poetry?
Good grief! He didn't even know who Wordsworth, Longfellow, or the Brownings were.
As for singing - total disaster.
As for singing like an opera star, he had higher aspirations than operatic arias.
Clergyman
There was only one glimmer of hope left: his long-range goals included studying for the ministry, and several years after our marriage, he did become a clergyman.
Hardly. We met in a mundane dry-cleaning plant amid stacks and stacks of drab army uniforms. At the time, he was a steam engineer, dressed in grubby, greasy clothes - a far cry from a distinguished-looking man of the cloth.
Good grief! He didn't even know who Wordsworth, Longfellow, or the Brownings were.
As for singing like an opera star, he had higher aspirations than operatic arias.
There was only one glimmer of hope left: his long-range goals included studying for the ministry, and several years after our marriage, he did become a clergyman.
I soon discovered that love has many forms and cannot be stereotyped. After two years of marriage, I contracted polio and became a paraplegic. Fred has shown his love in other ways.
My husband has literally swept me "off my feet" for years. He has taken me in his big, strong arms and carried me over mud, ice, and snow. He has carried me up hills and stairs. If chivalry is part of Knighthood, then he ought to be knighted for he has never complained or murmured about disability disadvantages.
The Brownings composed beautiful, poetical sentiments about love. Fred has "lived" the poetry of love during these years. Every day of our lives has been fashioned into a romantic life-long love poem that has all the glamour and quintessence penned by the Brownings.
He fashioned golden threads of royalty into the fabric of my life. He claimed his wife, placed her in his home, and crowned her Queen. What a coronation! And instead of crowning himself as King - making himself co-equal - he chose, instead, to be a most devoted and loyal subject, content to stand on the sidelines. When his Queen performed as the star on middle stage, he stood back to admire, to applaud, to cheer, and to love the woman who was first and foremost in his heart and affection. (As far as I am concerned, he is a king, a regal and royal husband.)
We've brought a lot of gold into each other's lives, and who can measure which one has made the other the richer?
From my viewpoint, the worst part of having polio is the fact that Fred has had to do so many things for me, and I cannot repay him for all his love and caring. I have been blessed to have such a wonderful partner, and I thank God constantly for Fred's unfailing love for me in spite of the difficult circumstances. As I have mentioned in the section "Meeting a Movie Celebrity - Jaclyn Smith," Fred impressed Jaclyn with his attentive concern for me. When I am asked to give a talk on my life's story, I often say,"My husband Fred is sometimes grouchy with me. Sometimes I deserve it (at this juncture, Fred nods his head affirmatively with great zeal),
and sometimes I don't (here he shakes his head negatively). But, when it comes to my disability, he has never - let me repeat - never - complained." (Fred will lower his head with a serious look on his face, and once in awhile, tears glisten in his eyes.) Small wonder that I exclaim WHAT A VALENTINE I HAVE!
In 2004 we celebrate 58 years of marriage. We joke: "Viola is a polio survivor; Fred is a marriage survivor!"
THE IMPORTANT ROLE OF A CAREGIVER -
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
I'm a Polio Survivor - 56 years by now (2004). I am humbled when people praise me for my inspirational life. Well, part of the praise should be directed to the most important person in my life - my husband Fred. In an article by Dave Van Aken of the Central Virginia Post-Polio Support Group, he calls himself a "Polio Partner" rather than a "care-giver." A care-giver may look after one's day-to-day needs - meals, household duties, etc. and that is great. But when it comes to a husband/wife relationship, it is a partnership based on the marriage vows: "for better for worse, in sickness and in health, until death parts us". However, when a spouse is incapacitated with a long-term disability, it sometimes happens that an able-bodied partner will often leave because he/she cannot cope with the tragic situation. I was stricken with polio in 1946, age 22, married, seven months' pregnant, and spent a short time in an iron lung. Long term results? I became a paraplegic, reliant on crutches and a wheelchair. We had been accepted as missionaries to China. Now what. Dreams were shattered. The greatest guilt I endured was the fact that I had ruined my husband's dreams, and he would have to look after an invalid who was helpless and incompetent.
Well, if you can't accomplish Plan A, then proceed to Plan B. And that's what my husband did. I had been transferred to an Edmonton Hospital for rehabilitation. We knew no-one in that city, and at that stage in life, we had never even heard of North American Baptist churches. Fred overheard a radio broadcast announcing the opening of the fall classes at a Bible School called "The Christian Training Institute". Immediately he left a temporary carpenter's job and enrolled at the school. When the term closed, he accepted the call to his first church, Hilda Baptist Church in Alberta. He was not only a pastor, but a husband and father who had the added duties to care for a handicapped wife. I've had polio for 56 years (2004), and never - let me repeat - never has he ever complained about my disability and the need to serve me. He has had to shoulder extra duties which a wife generally does: shopping, banking, taking the children to music lessons, sports events. The list goes on and on.
As time passed by, it was evident it was not practical for me to go on extended trips abroad. Fred had dreams to travel. One day I said to him, "Put up or shut up - our daughter is still at home with us. Plan a trip, fulfill your dreams. You have my blessing to GO!" Finally, he did travel, and over the years, he visited 39 countries. When he was in Brazil helping to build orphans' homes, I stayed by myself for a month. I set up a "buddy" system in case of an emergency. But just a simple event occurred which shows how complicated life is for a handicapped person. Walking with my crutches, I was carrying a piece of pizza on a plate from the kitchen to the family room. Mid-way down the hall, the pizza slipped off - landing, thankfully, right side up. However, I cannot bend down to pick things up from the floor. So I had to go to another room, get a chair with castors on it, shuffle in it down the hall, pick up the pizza -oh, oh - forgot the plate, so the pizza had to go on my lap until I could shuffle in the chair to the kitchen to reach the counter. What most people would have accomplished in less than a minute, took at least fifteen minutes for me to finalize. My husband's day is filled with doing many little things for me - such as bringing a glass of water, getting a sweater, or whatever. How is your math? Fred has loaded the wheelchair into the car for me at least ten times a month. So - there are 12 months to a year: 120 loadings. Then multiply: 120 x 56 years… staggering, isn't it?
We have a "partnership" in our relationship. For some couples a disability meant "flight" not "fight". My wonderful husband Fred opted to stay and "fight" the many challenges which surfaced. He has remained by my side, steadfast, faithfully, uncomplaining, and with a love which foreshadows the love God has for His creation.
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