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SKITS
under the title of SCHOOL DAZE. A series of these skits introduces
Professor Katzenbacher and Miss Daisy.
The reader changes voice tones for the various characters portrayed.)
This story takes place in the deep south. Mary, the scrub woman, is scrubbing clothes in the old-fashioned way - on the scrub board, in a tub of hot water. She is talking with her boss, Miss Cook.
MARY: Yassum, Miz Cook. I'se prayin' dat dese here clothes gonna shine like snow. I shore usin' all mah elbow grease on 'em.
MISS COOK: That's fine, Mary. By the way, how do you like your new pastor?
MARY: Oh, I ain't so keyed up 'bout him. He puts 'bout three grains of wheat in 'bout five bushels of chaff. So, yest'day I decided to go to another church - de Shinin' Lights meetin' house. Why, dat Preachah Jones got de skull of a lawyah. He say:
Ever since de Garden of Eden, mortal man been snoopin'
aroun' - sticking his nose into things he got no business with. An' you know
what's de lates' thing he uncovered? (pause) De atom bomb!
My, my! Mortal man shore got a live coal in his hand. He don't dare hold onto it, an' he don't dare let it go! That little old atom bomb done exploded more commotion than anything that's happen since Adam and Eve foul things up back in the Garden of Eden.
My, my! Mortal man shore got a live coal in his hand. He don't dare hold onto it, an' he don't dare let it go! That little old atom bomb done exploded more commotion than anything that's happen since Adam and Eve foul things up back in the Garden of Eden.
(Looks around) 'scuse me, Miss Cook. I done look for my child Martha Anna - she supposed to help me with these clothes. Anyhow, dat preachah went on:
Man gone and split up something he ain't never laid his two
black eyes on. Now, there's some of my flock that say they can't find the
kingdom of heaven because they can't see it. Well, man done found the atom what
he couldn't see, didn't he? Tell me now, brethren, why mortal man all a sudden
get so smart he see what he couldn't see? Was it because he done gone to some
cemetery to get edified? No, sir! He just follow that premonition in the Bible
what say, "seek and ye shall find." And he just knowed he gonna find something
and he do. That's the way about the kingdom of heaven. Why, God say in His Word
that he gonna choose the weak things of this world to mix up the mighty, and
that's exactly what done come to pass. That little atom done have enough power
to dynamite this old world clear into eternity. My fellow pilgrims, we is like
the atom bomb. We's little, but we's Niagaras inside if we harness up to the
kingdom of heaven. What we is on the inside'll be married to what we's doing on
the outside and - man - that's a combustible partnership. That just naturally
sets off a chain reaction.
A Stephen sets a Paul on fire, an' a Paul sets a Silas on fire,
an' a Billy Graham sets America on fire,
an' those fires rage right on down to now.
An' de seniors of _____________ done set each other on fire with their enthusiasm and zest for life. HALLELUJAH!
an' a Billy Graham sets America on fire,
an' those fires rage right on down to now.
An' de seniors of _____________ done set each other on fire with their enthusiasm and zest for life. HALLELUJAH!
Whoo-ee, Miz Cook, shivers jes' ran up an' down my spine bone.
MISS COOK: Thanks for the sermon, Mary. I've got to be going now. (Looks) I think I see Martha Anna coming.
MARY: Oh, wait 'til I get my hands on Mahtha Anna! She's gonna get an atom bomb 'splosion right where she sits herself down. 'Bye, Miz Cook, ma'am.
MARY: (speaks to child) Mahtha Anna! Where you bin, child? What you got to say for yourself? You were supposed to be here an hour ago to help me. Speak up, child!. (pauses - tone of voice changes) What you got in your hand?
MARTHA ANNA: Mamma, I got a Valentine for you - I made it all by myself.
MARY: A Valentine? You made it yourself? (Reads):
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2 cups of mindin' my mamma
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1 tbsp. of smiles
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1 cup of neatness
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1 tbsp. of going on errands
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3 cups of love
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1 tsp. of truth
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Serve in generous amounts every day.
MARY: My, my, I'se overwhelmed clear over my head. Ain't my Mahtha Anna just de perfec' child? Honey child, git on home as fast as your legs will carry you. Go to de kitchen an' stick your pretty lil' hand up in dat blue cookie jar dat I been hidin' from your pryin' eyes. Git yourself five cookies - not six or ten - jes' five.
MARTHA ANNA: Oh, thanks, Mamma! You really are my Valentine! (runs off)
MARY: Well, ah do declare- I was gonna give dat child the board of educashun on de seat of knowledge, and she done turn my heart into jello. Who could have the heart to done spank a cute, lil' mischeevious Valentine like dat!
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declah - declare
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dat - that
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jes' - just
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han' - hand
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'bout - about
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yest'day- yesterday
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'splosion - explosion
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mawt'l - mortal
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lates' - latest
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chil' - child
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cleah - clear
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yoah - your
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perfec' - perfect
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lil' - little
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educashun - education
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mah - my
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ovah - over
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bin - been
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CLICK (gently!) on Granny's
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to close this page.
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